Jess Silber is an artist and a filmmaker committed to increase representation in music and the film industry. With her new song “it hurts to love a woman,” Silber combines her talents with a song of painful realization. For the video, Silber employed a distinctive filmmaking approach, shooting half of the music video on a high-end RED camera and the other half on a humble $20 camcorder. This intentional visual duality highlights the juxtaposition of two drastically different experiences, in the same exact space. Silber shares the origins of this project as well as how she hopes to make her mark on Hollywood and beyond.
Does your album have an overarching theme?
The meaning behind ‘It hurts to love a woman’ has evolved over time. I originally wrote it as a love letter to a close friend who told me they were numb. As someone who experienced and overcame depression, I knew I couldn’t teach her to love herself. That was something she needed to do on her own. It broke me to see her hurting, and it broke me even more to fall for someone who was not in a position to receive my love. And not just anyone, I’d fallen for a friend.
I found myself caught in the trenches of attempting to navigate that blurred boundary between friendship and romance. How was I to walk away from my friend? But how was I to stay when I knew she didn’t love me in the way I needed? The song itself began to unfold when I realized I had to choose myself. By the time I set out to make the film, the meaning of the project evolved into a love letter to myself of sorts. Today this video serves as a reminder to never lose sight of myself in the quest for someone else’s love or validation.
Tell us about the first song you wrote.
The first song I wrote (or at least that I remember writing) was in elementary school. I was gearing up for my fifth grade graduation and using my coveted shower time to practice the song our class would be singing at the ceremony. In typical “me” fashion, I could not remember the lyrics, so naturally, I started to make up my own. I wish I could say I remember what I wrote about, but I don’t. I know it involved some combination of tears and moving on.
Who would you love to collaborate with? why?
That’s a tough one. I’d have to say it’s a toss up between Carole King and Norah Jones. They’ve both been really big influences on my music. Listening to Norah taught me the magic of music and its ability to soothe the soul. And Carole, well she honestly opened up my world to the power and beauty of songwriting. As a musician, I identify as a songwriter first and foremost so when I came across Carole King’s “Tapestry” and just her story in general, it really inspired me and spoke to me in a way that motivated me to create. And, to this day still does. If the stars somehow aligned, and I was given the chance to even show either of them my music, I’d feel very lucky.
Have you changed your practices to ensure that your team is diverse?
Growing up there was no substantial representation of queer women on TV. That affected my ability (along with a generation of others) to find my place in the world, and eventually motivated me to work towards filling that gap. Simultaneously, I found myself working on Orange is the New Black. It was my first year out of college, and there I was…in a room full of power house women, telling stories that the masses had never before consumed. Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon’s characters blew my mind! Queer protagonists, embodying these dynamic untold stories of queer women. I couldn’t get over it!
From Taylor and Laura’s storyline to Asia Kate Dillon and Laverne Cox making history, the show really ignited something deep inside of me, and set in motion the momentum I craved to build my first production company, Hey It’s Me. My mission was to put more women in front of and behind the camera.
Over the years that evolved into what it is today – Welcome, an experiential production company producing content and experiences focused on diversity, inclusivity, connection & social impact.
It Hurts To Love A Woman” [IHTLAW] is not the first or last of my projects where diversity will be at the forefront. The team for IHTLAW was made up of a team of diverse queer women, each bringing a specific view of the world formed by their unique experiences and challenges of being a queer woman.
I feel really lucky to have been able to curate that team and, moreover, to live in a city that brings together such an expansive pool of talent – that spans across cultures, identities and representations. My career thus far has been rooted in curating inclusive content and experiences…from the teams I build, to the artists I showcase, and to the people I collaborate with. Diverse representation is and will always be at the core of my creative goals. We all are so painfully aware of the disparity in representation in front of and behind the camera in “Hollywood,” and as underrepresented creatives, we kind of have to be intentional about acknowledging the gaps and modeling change. If we don’t, who will?
What would you like to say to people who are currently questioning their identities?
1. You’re not alone.
2. Life is too short to be anything but yourself so surround yourself with like-minded people and lean into your truth.
3. Even though society wants to define us based on how we identify, we are so much more than that. Remind yourself of that as often as you can.
4. At the end of the day, it’s not about how other people see you, place you or define you. It’s about how you define yourself. How you place yourself. How you see yourself.
5. The very nature of life is rooted in change so embrace change when it comes knocking, even when it’s scary or uncomfortable. It’s a doorway to growth.