INTERVIEW: CJ Lawrence Searches For Home
CJ Lawrence is a queer songwriter whose songs don’t pull any emotional punches. He’s currently recording his debut album Home, which draws on his experiences as a transsexual Kansan who was rejected by his family when he came out. He hopes, especially now, that his songs serve as an empowering reminder that trans people deserve unconditional love, and have every right to be angry if they don’t get it.
His album is being produced by LaFemmebear (who charted in the Billboard top 10 with her official remix of Reba’s “I’m a Survivor”).
Explain the title of your album.
Only two of the singles are out at this point, but the album is called Home. It’s about my experience of coming out as trans (feeling at home in myself), being rejected by my family (losing what I thought home was), finding community and chosen family at Sunflower House (a housing cooperative that became home), and then ends with me wrestling with my relationship to Kansas and the Midwest (is that home? Do I want to visit?) after moving to the Bay Area.
Have you ever been given something remarkable by a fan?
Just recently I got a card in the mail from a fan, who is also a queer elder and new friend. It’s a cardboard cutout in the shape of a sunflower and it says “Protest Blues Folk” in the middle, and then has a bunch of artist names written on all of the pedals. The artists include some artists that I’ve introduced him to (Blackberri, Jett Holden, Adeem the Artist), some artists he’s told me about, and a lot of folks I need to look up. And of course my name was on there. It was such a thoughtful gesture and a very sweet thing to send me to congratulate me on releasing my second single, “Thanks?”
What would you like to say to people who are currently questioning their identities?
My song “The Closet” is actually very directly this in song form, especially with regard to questioning gender identity. The song definitely sums up my feelings better than I’ll be able to here. But I think the main thing I would say is that, you’re not wrong to be scared, but inconvenience and fear doesn’t change your truth. I would also suggest focusing on what steps you want to take, rather than on trying to nail your identity down. We’re all changing all the time.
What words did you need to hear as you explored your identity?
I just needed to see trans people living their lives. Especially queer trans people. Especially trans guys.
Have you changed your practices to ensure that your team is diverse?
I try to hire trans people for any service that I need in my life generally. With my music I am even more intentional about that. Partially that is political, but mostly it’s just what I need. I didn’t even start singing until I met a trans voice teacher (Eli Conley).
With regards to race, I did get more intentional in my anti-racism, and more educated about race, in 2020. Without that work, I don’t think I would’ve been an accepted regular of a Black-centering Queer/Trans open mic (at the Queer Healing Arts Center in Oakland) at the time that I was ready to look for a producer. That community tie is the only reason I felt confident enough to reach out to a Billboard Top-10 charting producer as a completely unknown artist, and I assume that community tie was a big factor in why LaFemmebear agreed to work with me. That being said, I certainly can’t claim that ensuring the diversity of my team is the reason I hired her – my priority was to get the best record I could get.
