Pam Autouri, who writes and records as TOMI, grew up in the Catholic Church, attending every Sunday and going to Catholic School during the week. When she came out as a lesbian she carried a lot of shame and guilt. She was living in New York at the time and was feeling the chaos of dating and heartbreak exacerbated by partying. She started to fall in love with a woman and her emotions went wild. Writing “NUN” was her gateway to coping with those feelings. The song is a daydream about giving up love, music, and chaos to live a stoic life as a nun.
In our interview, TOMI explains how her pent-up feelings led to the unhinged camp of the music video for “NUN” as well as her advice for those recovering from religious trauma.
Tell us about the real-life story behind “Nun.”
I grew up Catholic and I always had this daydream “what if I gave up everything to become a nun?” How much simpler would life be? I wrote this song when I was falling in love and I didn’t want to deal with the ups and downs of love games, so I started to daydream…
The music video has some pretty graphic (and hilarious) imagery in it. What made you want to go there?
It’s important to challenge yourself – I’m not one for graphic visuals/videos but when Julie Pacino shot the single art for “NUN” (where a light is shooting out of the nun’s vagina), we started riffing about how funny it would be to make it come to life. I love how campy and psychedelic the video is, it’s all one shot – it took a lot of focus and pushing my own boundaries to make something so demanding and campy. I laugh every time I watch it back. THE HABIT IS A WIG FOR G*DSSAKE!
What were some of the musical influences behind the song?
I love big festival music. I had just come back from Lollapalooza when I wrote “NUN” and imagined how HUGE those guitar hits would sound outside. This song pulls more from memories, experience and older songs of mine than directly from any other musical artist.
What is something you want to say to people who have had similar experiences with religious trauma related to their sexual orientation?
Talk about it! Don’t keep it locked up in a shame box, there are so many people out there experiencing the same silent struggle and it’s important that we speak up and join together. Visibility is the key.
Do you have any resources you’d like to share?
I personally do not have any resources for this specific topic but I volunteer for the Los Angeles LGBTQ+ Center and I am a big believer in all LGBTQ+ organizations, they are there to help the youth and anyone in need.
Happy Hippie Foundation is another favorite of mine. Never hesitate to reach out when you
need it most!
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