Late Bloomer: How Queer Country Supports My Queer Parenting

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Rosie Tebay generously donated this essay to Rainbow Rodeo.

I first started listening to Adeem the Artist (they/them/theirs) back in April of 2023 when I heard their NPR interview on the radio. I was smitten with their music and stories. Before that, I was never really into Country. It’s not what I grew up with since I originally hail from NYC. But here I am, an Alabamian for the past couple of years and change.  Living in God’s Country and listening to Country music just feels right. Somehow the landscape just lends itself to it. 

Adeem the Artist is one of my favorite musicians because they are so genuine and introspective and their song “ICU” is like all the unconditional love one who is queer may have missed out on in their youth. For me,  as I was trying to figure out my identity and sexuality, I felt shame and insecurity. It’s noteworthy that Adeem, (like many folks who identify as queer) may not have had the unconditional love of both their parents and yet, they embody love for themselves and others. Talk about empathy.  

Adeem’s  latest single, “Rotations” off of their newly released “Anniversary” album is a breathtakingly beautiful song about the love between Adeem and their child Isley. It will definitely be in my rotation this Mother’s Day and the days to come, especially when I’m missing my child, Josephine.

Maybe it’s no coincidence that I’m a late bloomer. Discovering Queer Country in my 40’s is the vehicle towards me living a more authentic life that embraces all the love I have for myself, people of all gender/sexual identities, including whomever my child wishes to be as she grows up and learns more about who she is. What’s more ‘American’ and wholesome than listening and singing along to Adeem’s “Fervent for the Hunger” with your kid as you drive to Grandma’s house?

For several years now, I’ve been noticing the diversity of Josephine’s gender. Her pronouns are still “she” and purple is her favorite color. There’s something special about having music to help navigate parenting a child who sometimes likes to pretend to go potty like a boy or expresses interest in being a boy through dramatic play that was quite helpful and healing. Especially considering the dearth of age-appropriate books on these topics, not to mention access to such resources in our public libraries.

Once you’re a fan of Adeem’s then you can’t help but become a fan of all of their musician friends (If you’re like me, at least). Jessye DeSilva’s (she/her/they) beautiful voice and deeply personal songwriting is the perfect gift not only for queer folks, but parents of queer children. I know that I’m not alone in that sentiment. One time I accidentally left my phone with Josephine as it streamed, “Chim Chim Cher-ee.” When I returned, she was 90% into Jessye’s “Dysphoria.” Josephine said, “I like this song.” We would also spend countless hours together driving everywhere and listening to her music. I would tell Josephine how these artists identify and hopefully, if nothing else I’ve made her realize that gender is something that can be fluid; That you can explore your gender identity through the toys you choose to play with or how you want to dress. I have a dream that a policymaker will  take Jessye’s song, “Clouds” into a hearing to help address anti-trans legislation, especially for youth.

Autonomy is underrated, especially for children. I want my child to have the freedom to be themselves, whomever they may be. So that they may live their lives with integrity. Maybe then we can end this intergenerational fear and shame and so they won’t have to be a late bloomer, like me.