The last time I released an album of originals, I was still two kinds of closeted, so as you can see, I’ve really been making up for lost time on the new batch,” wrote Lauren O’Connell on Instagram, in anticipation of their new record Everything Feels Ridiculous. Recorded on the heels of a breakup, the album is a chronicle of the pangs of queer love, longing, and becoming, all the while finding solace in this liberating, existential revelation: everything feels ridiculous. According to O’Connell, “Falling in love feels ridiculous, realizing you’re trans feels ridiculous, the human experience feels ridiculous. You might as well splash around in it.”
Sonically, the album is an offering of dream pop, garage rock, and acoustic arrangements, all under the alt folk umbrella that is characteristic of O’Connell’s music. This is also their first record they haven’t self-produced. “Going into this record,” they said, “I was letting go of a lot of things—control over the writing process, as well as the idea that my vision for these songs was ultimately the best treatment for them.” On a friend’s recommendation, they enlisted the help of Alex Pfender, guitarist for Lucius, to engineer and produce.
The intro track “Power Out” sets the tone for the record, like a microcosm of what sounds and images to expect. O’Connell sets the scene for a breakup, underscored by ethereal electric guitars, later interrupted by Springsteen-esque overdriven strums and drums, as they sing, “Gathered the parts / Of my broken form / Contorted myself / To the shape of your arms.”
Continuing on our listen, “I Want to Be Your Man” is a standout track and trans anthem. The opening lyrics, “Come over, I want to see / How it feels when you lean into me,” are illuminated by the single artwork, a photo taken about a month after their top surgery. O’Connell shares it was an important song for them to write because of the safety about self-expression through songwriting: “Writing a song can be like making a joke: it has some built-in plausible deniability that can offer a safer way of telling the truth.”
I had the pleasure of attending the album release concert and party at Deep End Ranch. At the end of the second set of songs, O’Connell spoke to the main thesis of the album, quoting Alok Vaid-Menon, “I’m divesting from gender and investing in ridiculousness.” They went on to challenge normalcy, and their face lit up with joy as they said, “All of you are weird. That’s the good shit. … Everything’s weird. Everything is made up,” before launching into the title track, which closes with the line, “Everything feels ridiculous on borrowed time / As if there’s any other kind.”
There are many other tracks that I invite you to spend time with, like “Joangeline,” for the indie rock heat it brings, “Know You,” the summer love song I needed as a teenager, and my personal favorite, “Horsefly,” which has on more than one occasion brought me to tears, and on which they sing, “But I’m never who I’d prefer to be / It’s like it never occurs to me / To let things go.” I sure am glad that Lauren O’Connell let go and released this record.