Highway State of Mind
Ryan Seiler, who performs as Brokestring, details how he sped up to slow down and made memories to fight against old age with.
Brokestring's newest record, The Upside of Down, is out on May 30th.
Seventy-five miles an hour. That was how I liked to live my life. People had been telling me my whole life that I was going a mile a minute, so a fifteen-mile-an-hour increase over the course of a decade seemed like moderation. Up until one particularly rough morning after a spectacularly blurry night in Lincoln, Nebraska, I had no thoughts of slowing down and zero plans to quit drinking. If anything, I wanted to go faster and farther.
I’d get better at drinking. I was living my dream. I was seeing the country playing upright bass with two bands. I was playing shows coast to coast in 48 states. I was playing shows with some of my favorite artists. I got to see a bunch of the World’s Largest Stuff. I got to play my own songs and learn how to be Brokestring all over the country. I had friends everywhere. In between tours I’d kill a few weeks back home in San Marcos, TX. I’d play in a punk band. And busk. And jam by the river. And play every show I could. I often drank for free. I was living the dream. The problem was, come morning, I could never really remember what happened during last night’s edition of the dream.
That morning in Lincoln was no different, but it wound up being the last hangover of my life. That was eight years ago. The night before was blurry, but I knew I had messed up. That day began with a Michelada to fix the hangover before our on-air interview and performance at a local radio station. Then another Michelada in the parking lot after to celebrate being on the radio (which will always feel cool.) Then I had a few beers for lunch. None of this was atypical for a non-travel day. A couple more at our friend’s house before we head to the venue to play with their punk party polka band. So of course we have to kick it up a notch that evening. The venue served drinks in fishbowls.
I wound up falling asleep while playing and getting shoved awake by a bandmate who was rightfully getting tired of my shit. I finished the set, but I had greyed out for the evening. I don’t remember deciding to move our tour van, but suddenly I was driving in reverse down a one way street and into the alley so we could load out our gear. That’s all I remember. The thing is, we were having fun. I think. We were having the times of our lives. I thought.
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